


up and up

by watergator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, No cheating, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 09:02:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15992006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: it's early 2009. phil lester is a 22 year old who is single and has casual sex with one of friends. then one day a boy named dan comes along and things begin to change.





	up and up

His mouth is on Phil’s. He tastes like smoke and vodka and his tongue nudges against his and he gladly welcomes it. He has maybe too much alcohol thrumming through his body to have any coherent thoughts, but he knows he thinks this feels nice.  
  
Charlie’s large hands snake up his shirt and run across his body. The slowly inch up his sides, until heavy fingers are running across the dips of his ribs, reaching up and up and up, to the one place that he knows he know will make him squirm, but Phil remembers he has a stupid amount of alcohol in his body right now, and it sloshes around his stomach as a gross reminder and he pulls away.  
  
“What?” is all Charlie says once they’ve pulled apart. His lips are plump and red from the very long make out session they’d just endured and his eyes hooded and glossy. Phil isn’t sure if it’s the alcohol or just the hormonal chemicals of lust that make him look like that, but he shakes his head.  
  
“Can’t. Not now.” He almost slurs his words, but he wills himself to sober up. He trusts Charlie but sometimes he thinks everything is a joke and he wants to make sure at least one of them will be serious when they’re in a state like this. Especially when it comes to sex.

“Whu s’rong?” Charlie ducks his head, pouting a little. Phil giggles and takes his bottom lip between his fingers and tugs so slightly.  
  
“You’re so drunk.” He laughs. Charlie looks up at him with a smile,  
  
“So are you.” Charlie leans forward as Phil lets go of his lip, letting it ping back.  
  
“Too drunk,” Phil tells him with a whisper. It doesn’t stop Charlie from leaning in for a kiss.

It’s soft and sweet and warm and slow and it’s everything that Phil doesn’t want. He pulls away again, quickly.  
  
“Charlie.” He warns him in a quiet voice. He has a hand on his knee from where they’re sat beside the sofa on the floor and Charlie looks down to stare at it.  
  
“Sorry. Thought you wanted me to.” He says sadly. It hurts Phil a little. He bites his lip and tries to stand.  
  
He wobbles to his feet and blinks, trying to clear the few spots that have obscured his vision slightly. When he can see again without feeling like passing out, he holds a hand out to Charlie who gladly takes it.  
  
“C’mon, let’s go to bed.” Phil whispers to him, and Charlie gladly follows.  
  
They make their way back to Phil’s room and Phil tugs off Charlies jeans and shirt, leaving him in his pants, before tucking him into bed. He’s happily pushed around the room by Phil and when Phil climbs into bed beside him, he curls up beside him and tucks his head under his arm.  
  
Phil tries not to let his body go tense, but he can’t help lay flat on his back as Charlie cuddles up beside him. He closes his eyes and hopes the warm sensation of the fading alcohol in his body will help lull him to sleep. And when he finally does drift off to sleep, Charlies been pushed to the other side of the bed, curled up on himself.  
  
When he wakes up he has Charlie kissing his body, going down and down and down until his lips make his toes curl and he’s clenching the sheets with tight hands and he crying out no one’s name but just a string of moans and praises.  
  
He returns the favour, as he always does, but it’s rushed and unloving, and when he pulls off he feels a little bad, but instead Charlie cups his cheek and rubs a thumb over his skin. He pushes for a kiss but Phil gets off the bed and heads towards the bathroom.  
  
“Need to brush my teeth.” He tells him as he walks away, his chest is burning with guilt. He’s never really had a problem with kisses after having someone’s dick in his mouth, but right now he wants to find any excuse not to really have to have his mouth on his.  
  
He doesn’t stop to see Charlie’s hurt expression as he lays left and forgotten, sprawled out on the bed as Phil shuts the bathroom door on himself.  
  
He doesn’t even brush his teeth right away; he sits on the toilet with the seat down and hangs his head in his hands. It burns with a faint reminder of alcohol and hangovers but it’s not nearly as bad as the anxiety that crawls its way up from his chest, up and throat; clawing its way through every single one of his nerve ending that burns like a fire.  
  
It was never supposed to happen like this. It was never supposed to go this far. It was never supposed to end with chest-crushing guilt and rejected kisses.  
  
Charlie wasn’t supposed to _fall in love_ with him.  
  
They had a deal; a very simple deal that since they were both single and young and they trusted each other, that every now and then they’d be willing to help each other out with sexual favours.  
  
It’d been fun, having a friend that lived so close by that when Phil would grow tired of his own hand he could text Charlie and he’d come over and replace Phil’s familiar right hand with his own. Or his mouth, or his ass.  
  
It was so easy and good and normal. But Phil realised that sometimes Charlie would kiss too deeply. That sometimes he’d let pet names slip past his lips whilst they fucked. That sometimes he’d catch him watch him as he woke up with big bleary eyes and a crooked smile.  
  
He didn’t love Charlie.  
  
Charlie was his friend. Charlie was just a friend that would help him out in favour of him doing the same. Charlie was a friend that would go to a bar with Phil and they’d both horrifically try and flirt with handsome strangers, only to be left giggling to themselves as people would walk past them with a raised brow.  
  
Charlie was a friend that suggested a quick handjob one night that led to a deal between friends. Charlie was a friend who’s eyes lit up when Phil had nodded and agreed to their new pact and had groaned when Phil had shoved his hands down his tight fitting jeans.  
  
That was all it was; surely he wasn’t leading Charlie on, was he?  
  
He brushes his teeth quickly, spitting the toothpaste into the sink maybe too harshly. He watches it swirl down the sink as he runs the water. He wishes sometimes he could just get washed away like that; pushed down a drain and let his body just float off somewhere he didn’t have any responsibilities or expectations.  
  
When he comes out of the bathroom and back to his room, Charlie is sat up in bed, looking rather un-phased at Phil’s weird actions earlier.  
  
“You have a twitter notification.” Charlie tells him without looking up from his screen.  
  
Phil nods, and walks to where his phone was left charging last night. He pulls it away from the wall and feels his heart skip in his chest when he sees what it is.  
  
It’s another message from Dan.

They’ve been speaking almost a week now and Phil thinks he’s great. He’s awkward and a little young and weird but Phil likes him. It’s obvious that this Dan guy clearly has a bit of a crush on him, and Phil hates admitting to knowing that; acting as if he’s hot shit and Dan should be obliged to having a crush on him, but it’s hard to not admit it when all Dan goes is gush about his videos and makes a terrible attempt at flirting.  
  
Phil is typing out a message to Dan about the game he’d asked about when he hears Charlie move off the bed beside him. He almost forgot he was still here. He looks up and sees him clad in his boxers still. They both are.  
  
“Gonna use your shower if that’s cool,” Charlie says as he stretches, “got lube?” he asks, like it’s a completely normal thing to ask your friend and Phil’s brain blanks for a moment before he’s nodding and tossing the little tube from his drawer to his friend across the bed.  
  
“Cheers.” He says as he walks towards the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind him.  
  
Phil stares at the door, when his phone pings again. He looks down.  
  
It’s Dan again, of course, and his lips stretch into a smile. He sits back down on his bed and brings his knees to his chest, reading over his messages.  
  
He talks to Dan for the entirety that Charlie is in the shower. He’s in there for a little more than usual and Phil is about to go and knock on the door and ask if he’s still alive but he stops himself when he remembers the lube he’d given him. Obviously.  
  
Eventually Charlie leaves the bathroom and by now Phil is dressed and still talking to Dan.  
  
Charlie has yesterday’s jeans on. Phil glances up and blinks when he sees he’s wearing one of his shirts. One he likes, too. He doesn’t say anything as he ruffles his hair with a towel.  
  
“Who you talking to?” he asks.

Phil’s mouth runs dry. He glances down at the screen to see Dan’s last two messages and back up at Charlie,  
  
“A friend.”  
  
It’s the truth. That’s all Dan is to him right now. He hardly knows him. All he is to Phil right now is someone on the internet who enjoys his videos and shares a mutual love for Muse and Final Fantasy. It’s someone Phil enjoys talking to and doesn’t have to mean anything. Right?  
  
Charlie frowns for a second before quickly plastering on a smile.  
  
Phil’s not in a relationship with Charlie. He’s not committed to anything or anyone right now, so he should be allowed to talk to people and maybe like somebody else. It’s not as if they don’t actively go out and try and find dates.  
  
He’s just not sure as to why this one feel’s a little different.  
  
“That twitter guy?” Charlie asks chucking the towel onto the floor uncaring. Phil goes to tell him to pick it up but he can’t find the energy to care right now.  
  
“Yeah,” he nods, “his name’s Dan.”  
  
Charlie looks at him. His eyes look unsure and Phil’s sure he can see the beginning flames lick behind his face that burn with perhaps jealousy and hurt. But they’re gone when he smiles and turns away to pick his own shirt up off Phil’s bedroom floor.  
  
“Right,” he says quietly, “Dan.”  
  
A month later and Phil is still talking to Dan, more often than not. They share late night phone calls with giggles and whispers and when they skype for the first time Dan hardly says a word so Phil fills the silence with babbling stories, to hide how nervous he is too. But eventually they fall into something more comfortable and relaxed and Dan will laugh loud and sometimes when Phil will really make him laugh he’ll snort, and cover his mouth with his hand.  
  
“You have an amazing laugh.” Phil tells him and even through about three pixels and a shitty wifi connection, he can see the blood rush to his cheeks as a blush creeps across his face,  
  
“Shut up.” Dan will smile fondly.  
  
Phil spends a lot of time chatting and laughing with Dan than he does with Charlie. They still hang out like friends; still take trips into town to places like shakeaway and the shopping centre, but now when he’s walking around with Charlie all he can think about is how much fun it’d be to perhaps bring Dan here one day.  
  
It’s summer but it’s raining and the sky is grey. Phil lies bored on his bed, flicking through old messages to Dan when he gets a text from Charlie.  
  
Obviously he’s bored too.  
  
Phil opens it and it’s exactly what he’s expecting.

 _‘bored. wanna cum ovr and do smth? (me) lol’_  
  
It’s a classic Charlie booty call and usually it’d have Phil scoffing and rolling his eyes with a smile as his jeans perhaps grew tight at the promise of imminent sex, but now he just types back,

_‘srry im busy rn’_

It’s not a lie. Dan said he’ll be home from shopping with his grandma in an hour and Phil’s been waiting since. His laptop sits beside him with twitter and skype open, waiting for the noise of a call coming through, and if he were to leave now, he’d miss Dan’s call.  
  
He gets another text from Charlie,

_‘oh. k. wuu2?’_

He wishes he wouldn’t ask, but maybe telling him would perhaps be easier.  
  
_‘dans about to skype me’_

He sends it and waits for his reply. It comes through almost instantly,  
  
_‘lol rlly? again? is he like obsessed with u or smth loool’_

He hates how it hurts a little. Hates how Charlie is poking fun at Dan, who isn’t here to defend himself. He quite likes the protective feeling he feels overcome him for a second though.  
  
_‘he’s my friend :P’_

There’s a while before Charlie texts again,  
  
_‘lmao so am i’_

Phil stares at the text, unsure what to say. What is Charlie to him? A friend? A fuck? A potential boyfriend?  
  
No. He’s not a boyfriend. He wasn't _just_ a fuck and he is still a friend. He can’t remember the last time he’d even hooked up with him, or anyone really. He wonders if Charlie has.  
  
He blinks again at the text. Maybe he should test the water just slightly.  
  
_‘i think he likes me ^_^’_  
  
He hesitates, this thumb hovering over the send button, when he swallows down his fear and hits send. He watches it pop up underneath his previous texts and he braces himself for his reply. But instead he gets an incoming call.  
  
He answers it,  
  
“You think he really likes you?” Charlie sounds hurt. Phil bites harshly at his lip from just his tone.  
  
“Well, yeah, I mean – it’s obvious isn’t it? You’ve seen his tweets right?” Phil tries to laugh, tries to make this easier, but Charlie’s not laughing back.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah I’ve seen his tweets.” He sounds pissed off, like he’s trying not to show it but Phil can feel it through the phone. It annoys him.  
  
“What’s wrong?” He’s not sure why he’s asking; he’s almost certain he knows why Charlie’s suddenly turned a little sour towards him after turning down something like sex to hang out with Dan again on skype.  
  
He hears Charlie scoff on the other end and the sound of sheets crumpling in the background and it makes Phil wonder if perhaps he’d been in bed, ready and waiting for something that wasn’t going to ever come.  
  
“Nothing’s wrong, I –“ he cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh, “I dunno, Phil, don’t you think it’s just a bit weird?”  
  
There’s a silence for a while before Phil speaks, confused,  
  
“Weird?” he asks,  
  
“Yeah,” Charlie speaks, “it’s just weird that this – this strange, 16 year old is like basically stalking you constantly. It’s worrying, if anything.” Charlie tells him. His tone has gone a little cold and Phil finds himself gripping his phone just a little tighter.  
  
“He’s 18,” he corrects him, “and he’s not stalking me. We’re just friends, Charlie. He’s cool.”  
  
He tries to sound chilled out. But maybe he’s coming across as a little mad because Charlie just scoffs again.  
  
“Yeah, right, friends.”  
  
Phil can practically see the little quotation marks he’d make with his fingers on the word ‘friend’ and it causes Phil to begin to pace his room with all the nervous energy he’s giving off right now.  
  
He hates that he can see whats happening; hates that he can tell what's going on between them and he doesn't know how to stop it before it really starts. He finds it a little hypocritical of Charlie calling a friendship between Phil and someone like Dan weird, as if the secret little friends with benefits pact he has going on with him right now isn't weird at all. He hates that he can see where Charlie's coming from, but desperately wants to ignore it.   
  
“Well what if I wanted to be more than friends?” Phil finds himself saying before he can think.  
  
Charlie doesn’t say anything and Phil’s sure he’s held his breath because he can’t hear anything on the other line when Charlie finally speaks,  
  
“What - with? With who? Me?”  
  
Guilt burns at his ribs. He hates how unsure Charlie’s voice sounds and how quiet it is. He wishes they weren’t having this conversation over the phone. He clears his throat,  
  
“No. No, I meant with Dan, Charlie. Dan.”  
  
It’s there. He’s said it and only half of him wants to take it back; he knows it had to be said at some time or another. He can’t keep doing this.  
  
“Oh. Right,” is all Charlie says in a flat tone, masking any hurt he’s feeling.  
  
“Charlie, listen,” Phil says, running a hand over his face as he sits back down on his bed but Charlie’s voice cuts him off,  
  
“Look, Phil. All I’m saying is that you’ve known this, kid, what? A month? Maybe more? How do you know you even like him?” he asks with a sharp voice. Phil doesn’t want an argument but he doesn’t have to explain himself to anyone. Or maybe he does.  
  
It’s all so complicated.  
  
“I dunno, Charlie, I just think he’s nice.” Phil tells him. “We like the same stuff, he’s cute and we have a laugh.”  
  
Charlie laughs bitterly at that.  
  
“Yeah, and are you forgetting that I’m basically already that? Maybe I’m not as cute as he is, but god Phil, I’m already one step ahead of him. The one thing I’ve got that’s above him is you under me.”  
  
Phil can feel the anger build up inside him and it’s unlike anything he’s felt before. It boils in his blood and surges through his veins. He stands back off his bed and begins to pace furiously now,  
  
“Don’t say that,” he tells him.  
  
“Why?” Charlie says, “It’s the truth, isn’t it?”  
  
“Charlie,” Phil warns him with a low voice but once again he’s cut off,  
  
“I thought you liked me, Phil.” Charlie sounds really angry now. Almost as angry as Phil feels on the inside, “Or was I just, an easy shag?”  
  
Phil shakes his head and he can feel tears burn behind his eyes,  
  
“God, no, Charlie it was just some fun, just messing around together whilst we were both single.” Phil’s voice cracks. Charlie is still his friend at the end of the day and whilst he could easily perhaps lose ever having to sleep with him again in favour of a real relationship, he doesn’t want to lose him as an actual friend.  
  
“So that’s it? You’re now dating Dan?” Charlie asks him pressingly and Phil wonders if he can tell he’s crying.  
  
Phil chews on his lip again, “I – I don’t know, okay? It’s… It’s complicated right now.” Is all he can offer him. He doesn't actually know. They've been playfully flirting and sending silly texts to one another but Phil isn't even sure if Dan even wants a relationship with him. 

“Right. Complicated.” Charlie says coldly.  
  
Just as the conversation falls silent, Phil’s laptop begins to spring to life with a familiar skype ringtone. He spins to watch it ring out. It’s Dan, obviously. He holds the phone tighter.  
  
“I never wanted this.” Phil tells Charlie and the call continues to ring out. There’s a twitter message popping up from Dan telling him to hurry up. He turns away.  
  
“I never wanted to hurt you or hurt our friendship, okay?” Phil tells him and Charlie listens. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m - fuck, Charlie, I'm sorry.”  
  
The skype call behind him rings out and Phil is left with a deafening silence.  
  
“No, it’s – I’m sorry, Phil.” Is what Charlie say’s back. His voice is softer and calmer and he genuinely sounds sorry.  
  
Phil lets out a sigh as he sits back down on his bed. Another message from Dan asking where he was with a sad face. Phil gently shuts down his laptop; he’ll talk to Dan later. For now, he really needs to have this conversation with Charlie.

“I don’t think you have anything to be sorry for.” Phil tells him and Charlie gives a breathy laugh over the phone.  
  
“No, yeah, I do. I took it way too fucking far. Fuck.”  
  
Phil lets the tears behind his eyes clear and he blinks. “I didn’t mean to lead you on.”  
  
“You didn’t. We said in the beginning this was just for fun. How long did it last? Four, five months?”  
  
Phil nods, before realising that he can’t see him, “Yeah, about that.”  
  
“In the beginning we actually tried to look for boyfriends for each other. But after, I dunno - after sleeping with you like that, I guess I didn’t want either of us meeting anyone else. I got a bit of a crush on you I suppose.”  
  
Phil swallows thickly. It’s a lot to take in, but he has to lay it down real with him.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. I guess I should’ve seen it coming when that little twink wouldn’t stop commenting on almost everything of yours.”  
  
It’s supposed to be a joke but it falls a little flat with Phil. But he lets it slide this one time for the sake of their high emotions right now.  
  
“He’s actually a good guy Charlie. Maybe if we all hung out some time you’d see that.” Phil tells him softly. He wants a life where he can still have his friend and Dan in his life but he’s not so sure that’s possible anymore.  
  
“I dunno Phil. To me he’ll always be Dan, the guy who took me away from you.” he says sadly.  
  
“He’s not taking me away from you.” Phil tells him.  
  
Charlie laughs bitterly again, “Remind me again why you’re not round here boning my brains out?”  
  
Phil closes his eyes. He never really enjoyed Charlie’s crude humour at the best of times but that one hurt a little. A little too much.  
  
Phil doesn’t speak.   
  
“I should go, Phil.” Charlie eventually says after a while with a sigh,  
  
“Yeah, okay.” Phil says tiredly. His head hurts. “I’ll speak with you later. Maybe we can talk or something,” he suggests. It won’t be any easier to have this conversation in person but it’s a start he supposes.  
  
“No.” Charlie says. “I mean I should go. I should probably just, stop coming over anymore.” Charlie tells him sadly.  
  
Phil frowns; this isn’t what he wanted.  
  
“No, Charlie, don’t be silly. C’mon, please.” He pleads. “We can still be friends. Just like normal.”  
  
Charlie sighs, long and tiredly.  
  
“You’re still my friend. Always will be.” Phil tells him quietly.  
  
“You really like this guy then, huh?” Charlie says.  
  
Phil’s heart flips in his chest, “Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.”  
  
Charlie hums a little, almost like he’s thinking, then he speaks,  
  
“I’m still hurt Phil. Don’t forget that.”  
  
Phil feels a swirl of anxiety in his stomach at his words and he lets out a shuddery breath,  
  
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
  
Charlie hums again.  
  
“And I still think this Dan guy seems like a desperate twat.”  
  
Phil sucks in a breath and lets the short anger wash over him. Now is not the time to argue,  
  
“But if he makes you happy then – then I guess I’m happy.” He doesn’t sound exactly thrilled but it’s something. Phil exhales.  
  
“Thank you Charlie.” Phil whispers, voice sounding weak.  
  
“Yeah,” Charlie says over the phone,  
  
“Anytime, Phil.”

**Author's Note:**

> so i posted this. then deleted it. simply because it felt like something i wouldn't ever write, but then decided that maybe i should just post it and see what people think instead of me caring too much lol
> 
> please remember that everything in this story is purely fictional! i obviously have no real knowledge on charlie or any of phil's past relationships and this is purely written for entertainment!! (so pls don't come for me lmao)
> 
> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


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